I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
