There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
