Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
