I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
