why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
