Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
