Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
