i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
