New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
