Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
