you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
