Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
