HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
