haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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