A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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