I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
