If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
