i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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