You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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