TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
