I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
