Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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