I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize