who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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