Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
