That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
