You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
