Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
