did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
