my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
