was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
