You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bring money and cleavage
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
