Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
