I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
