You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
