I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
