are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
