Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
