Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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