I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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