the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
