Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
