remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I checked into jail on foursquare
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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