Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
