do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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