I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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