I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
