I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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