If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
