why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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